I've seen too much & done too little

My one main pleasure in life is traveling and I've been fortunate to visit many remarkable places around the world. Yet, what have I really gained fr0m all of this wandering? Has it resoloved any of the depression that envelopes my heart or has it merely been a momentary distraction -- like going to a movie and being trasnported out of my corporeal self into a fantasy world? In the end, I wind up back here in the same place I started, quite a bit poorer and always wishing I had done more.

Who gives a damn?

Is it possible to go through life without any real friends? I'm not talking about the phoney Internet kind --the instant 'friends' of Twitter, etc.--but the kind who love you no matter who you are or what you look like? I believe I have gone 68 years without a real friend, without someone who would really care if I suddenly weren't around. But then...maybe I have never been a friend to anyone. I was married for 34 years, but never really knew whether my spouse loved me or whether I was just a convenience. But, again...what is 'love'?

Have you caught one yet?

For 68 years, I've been chasing rainbows. Maybe I caught up with a couple during my lifetime, but probably did not know it at the time. Right now, there are no rainbows in my life and if it were to end today, I wouldn't care. There is nothing for me to live for any longer; depression and anxiety are my constant companions.